2002 Jokes / Recent Jokes

Man Never Misses Trip To Gym For 5 Years
July 29, 2002 - Florida, USA
In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, a Florida man hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his 3 weekly workouts for the past 5 years. "At first I thought the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn't waste the money - but that didn't work. Within weeks I was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go. So I decided that if money wouldn't promote me to go, losing my life would. The hit man idea has worked like a charm, maybe even too good. There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I've never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards. But with all its ups and downs, my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were more...

"We`ve tripled the amount of money - I believe it`s from $50 million up to $195 million available." -George W. Bush, Lima, Peru, March 23, 2002
"We`ve got pockets of persistent poverty in our society, which I refuse to declare defeat - I mean, I refuse to allow them to continue on. And so one of the things that we`re trying to do is to encourage a faith-based initiative to spread its wings all across America, to be able to capture this great compassionate spirit." -George W. Bush, O`Fallon, Mo., Mar. 18, 2002
"I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region." -George W. Bush, Washington, D. C., March 13, 2002
"There`s nothing more deep than recognizing Israel`s right to exist. That`s the most deep thought of all.. .. I can`t think of anything more deep than that right." -George W. Bush, Washington, D. C., March 13, 2002
"He [Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi] said I want to more...