Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying copies, not the original books. The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk said, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." The head monk went down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
Hours later, nobody had seen him, so one of the monks went downstairs to look for him. He heard a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and found the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying. He asked what was wrong.
"The word is 'celebrate'," said the head monk.
A friend of mine told me this one the other day...
A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has
come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When
the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book,
book, book, BOOK!"
The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the
chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.
The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts
the previous day's pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, "Book,
book, book, BOOK!"
The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these
books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken
The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who
squawks (in a rather irritated fashion, it seems), "Book, book, book, BOOK!"
The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, "The other librarian we had knew how to write."
How does a Gulti commute office 40 miles away? He walks all the way because he wants to get a good resale value for his car. Why does a Gulti wish for rain? Because he gets a free car wash. How does a Gulti wash clean his cloth and carpet? He stuffs both together into washing machine to save few pennies. Why does computer books in book stores get a Gulti smell? Because those books were returned by a gulti after 30 days free trial.