"The Differences" joke

SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

STYLE:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

MONEY:
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn''t want.

HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn''t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won''t change and she does.

MARRIAGE DECISIONS:
Men marry because they are tired.
Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.

MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MEMORIES:
A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her.
A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn''t marry.

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN:
There are two times when a man doesn''t understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

WHAT A WOMAN WANTS:
Only two things are necessary to keep one''s wife happy. .. - One is to let her think she is having her own way - The other is to let her have it.

LONGEVITY:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MISTAKES:
Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.

THE BATTLE:
A woman always has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.