Todd Jokes

A social studies teacher was talking to his class about people's last names and how, in the old days, their last name used to be their occupation.
"For example," the teacher said, "Baker meant the person was a baker for a living, Miller meant the person worked in a paper mill, and so on."
At that point, one of the students raised his hand.
"Do you have an example for the class, Todd?" the teacher asked.
"No, not really," replied Todd, "more of a question."
"What's your question?" inquired the teacher.
"What did John Hancock for a living?" Todd asked.

THE DRUG STORE COMPUTER
Todd complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should
see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at
the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a
doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will
diagnose your problem and tell you what yoy can do about it only costs
$10. 00."
Todd figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited the $10. 00. The computer started making noises and
the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a
small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have Tennis Elbow
Soak your arm in warm water
Avoid heavy labor
It will be better in two weeks

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was more...

Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated.

After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey."

Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."

"Say," Todd approached his teacher, "you wouldn't punish me for something I didn't do, would you?"
"Why of course not!" she replied. "Good," he sighed, "' cause I didn't do my book report."

A kindergarten teacher comes to class and says, "Today class I am going to give you a letter of the alphabet and I want you to give me a word that begins with that letter." She begins with the letter "A" and all the kids raise their hands. There is one kid in the back named Johnny that is real eager to answer the question, but the teacher knows that he is always vulgar and likes to use obscenities so she chooses on little Mary to answer. Mary stands and says, "A... Apple" The teacher replies, "That's great, Mary, good job." So she moves on to the letter "B", and again Johnny is still eager to answer the question, but the teacher is sure that he will probably say "Bitch" or something like that so she calls on Todd. Todd says, "B... Baseball." And the teacher replies, "Good Job, Todd." So they start going through the alphabet and the class' attention dwindles, except for Johnny. The teacher comes to the more...