DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP: #1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple.
A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital.
While walking towards their car, Ani was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the hospital. #2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a more...
A lawyer opened his own office right after successfully passing the bar exam. Sitting idly at his desk, his secretary announced that a Mr. Baker was there to see him. He told his secretary to show him right in.
Thinking that it was a new client he wanted to make a good impression. As Mr. Baker was entering his office, the lawyer picked up the phone and yelled into it... "Absolutely not! You tell them I will not settle this case for less than five hundred thousand dollars. Don't bother me again until that amount has been agreed to!" Slamming the phone down, he greeted Mr. Baker saying, "How do you do Mr. Baker. What can I do to help you?"
Mr. Baker replied, "Hi, I'm from the phone company. I'm here to connect your phone."
A social studies teacher was talking to his class about people's last names and how, in the old days, their last name used to be their occupation.
"For example," the teacher said, "Baker meant the person was a baker for a living, Miller meant the person worked in a paper mill, and so on."
At that point, one of the students raised his hand.
"Do you have an example for the class, Todd?" the teacher asked.
"No, not really," replied Todd, "more of a question."
"What's your question?" inquired the teacher.
"What did John Hancock for a living?" Todd asked.
Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
Baker's Law: Misery no longer loves company, Nowadays it insists on it. - Columnist Russell Baker