Crazy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mickey's Divorce

    Hot 1 month ago

    As Mickey and Minnie were before the judge in divorce court, the judge looked at Mickey and said, "Listen here, Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie."
    "But why not, Your Honor?" a stunned Mickey asked.
    "I have reviewed all the information you submitted to the court and I can find no evidence to support the allegation that she's crazy," explained the judge.
    "Your Honor," Mickey exclaimed, "I didn't say she was 'crazy', I said she was fucking Goofy."

    These Two Fleas...

    Hot 5 years ago

    These two fleas are sitting in Florida. One is shivering like crazy, saying "that has got to be the coldest ride I have ever had in my life!"
    "How did you get here?" asks the other flea.
    "I was in the moustache of some guy riding his motorcycle down the freeway."
    "That is no way to travel to Florida" says the flea."Here is what you do. Go to the airport and find a lounge. Have a sip of someone's drink so you are relaxed. Find a really pretty girl and crawl up her leg and under her dress.G o inside her panties and you will find a nice warm place to curl up and fall asleep. The next thing you know, you are in Florida! Remember that for next time.We will get together next year and you can tell me how it went!"
    The following year, the two fleas are back in Florida and the first
    one is shivering like crazy. "That is the coldest f*%#in' ride to
    Florida I have had in my life!!!"
    "What happened to the more...

    Just something funny to read.

    1) It`s better to be crazy & know it than being sane & doubt it.
    2) I`m lost. I've gone out to find me. If I come back before I return, please ask me to wait.
    3) I live in my own little world!!! But that's okay, cause they know me there.
    4) No lifeguard on duty. Swim at your own risk...
    5) Daydreaming is way better than school!
    6) Education is the progressive relation of our ignorance.
    7) Insanity: A perfectly normal change to a normal mind.
    8) The voices in my head are snoring.
    9) Me? Psychotic? What gave you that idea?
    10) I`m not crazy! It's the rest of you that are freaks!
    11) You say I'm psycho like it's a bad thing!
    12) Insanity in individuals is something rare but in groups, parties, nations, & epochs... it is the rule!!!
    13) Only two things are infinite: the universe, &

    English Language

    Hot 5 years ago

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetraian more...

    A young punk rocker gets on a city bus and sits across from an elderly man.
    The punker has a multitude of colors for hair, ranging from yellow to black. He also has fluffy feather earrings with the same bright colors as his hairdo. The old man begins to stare at him with intensity.
    The punker yells over to the old man, "What's the matter old man, never do anything crazy when you were young?"
    The old man replies, "I did one real crazy thing when I was 21 and all drunk." The punker asks what it was the old man did. The old man replies "I had relations with a parrot and I think you're my kid!"

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