Austin Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
    2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt).... Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
    3. Nice legs... what time do they open?
    4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
    5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
    6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
    7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
    8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you
    seen one?
    9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on Earth tonight.
    10. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
    11. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
    12. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
    13. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
    14. Is that a ladder in your more...

    BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS
    By S. Artist Reuters
    AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush
    filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus
    from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint
    seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon,
    asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of
    checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time
    before packing his sleigh.
    The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas,
    asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and
    desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and
    certify the original list as submitted, without amendment,
    alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
    "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is
    nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more more...

    Bush legal team sues Santa Claus
    By S. Artist Reuters
    AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
    The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
    "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking more...

    BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS By S. Artist Reuters AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh. The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification." "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It`s totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over more...

    Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Austin!
    Austin who?
    Austin corrected!

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