Thee Jokes

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    The Cesium song 03

    Hot 4 years ago

    Cesium, 'tis of thee,
    Thy 'positivity,
    Of thee I sing.
    Thou whose hydroxide, dis-
    solved my wife when she died,
    Glorious too, for suicide,
    Here, death, is thy sting.
    -Songs of Cesium #65

    Wedding Toasts 6

    Hot 2 years ago

    The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
    The high divorce rates in America indicate that the U.S. is still the Land of the Free, but your marriage demonstrates that we also remain the Home of the Brave!
    The man says: With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow. (Book of Common Prayer)
    The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
    If you are the best man at a wedding there is always my favorite toast:
    The screwing you'll get is going to be worth the screwing you'll get.
    I didn't have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party.
    The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
    The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. more...

    1> "Hie thee away, scoundrel, lest this metallic vessel be oped; its whoop-ass forthwith unleash'd."

    2> "Shall I compare thee to a summer's eve? For verily, thou art a douche-bag!"

    3> "Unbridled envy wouldst thine ample codpiece inspire, save that it concealeth naught but a minnow."

    4> "Get thee to a nunnery! For next to nun, methinks, is thy prospect of victory."

    5> "Faugh! Thy putrid exhale couldst topple the carrion fowl from off his perch, atop a cart with human refuse laden."

    6> "Thou mewling swag-bellied scullion! Thou wretched folly-fallen cutpurse! Most grievously doth thy visage offend the eye, thou droning flap-mouthed pignut!"

    7> "Behind yon mask of red and gold, what coxcomb struts and frets in dainty tights, unswell'd by manly cord?"

    8> "Of fruitless issue is thy ill-spoken slander! For elastic is my composition, whilst more...

    The Cesium song 03

    Hot 2 years ago


    Cesium,' tis of thee,
    Thy' positivity,
    Of thee I sing.
    Thou whose hydroxide, dis-
    solved my wife when she died,
    Glorious too, for suicide,
    Here, death, is thy sting.

    ---Songs of Cesium #65

    The horse rancher

    Hot 6 years ago

    A guy calls a buddy, who is a horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
    The horse rancher asks "How will I recognize him?"
    That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
    The midget goes there, and the rancher asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
    "A female horth."
    He shows him a prized filly.
    "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
    The rancher picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
    "Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
    He picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
    "Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
    The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
    "Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
    Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the more...

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