Cricket Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
    1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
    2.Proper beer
    3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
    4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
    5.Union jack underpants.
    6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
    7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
    8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
    9.Ditto changing underwear
    10.Beats being Welsh.
    10a. Or Scottish

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
    1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
    2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
    3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
    4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
    5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
    6.You can more...

    CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

    Hot 1 year ago

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
    1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
    2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
    3. a. You can legally kill yourself
    3. b. You can legally be killed
    4. You're exactly like the Germans, without an uneery sense of guilt.
    5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks
    Copenhagen is your capital.....
    6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
    7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
    8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
    9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your bike, blame the Germans.
    10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
    1. You get to speak three languages, but none of more...

    Wedding Toasts 6

    Hot 1 year ago

    The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
    The high divorce rates in America indicate that the U.S. is still the Land of the Free, but your marriage demonstrates that we also remain the Home of the Brave!
    The man says: With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow. (Book of Common Prayer)
    The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
    If you are the best man at a wedding there is always my favorite toast:
    The screwing you'll get is going to be worth the screwing you'll get.
    I didn't have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party.
    The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
    The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. more...

    Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Three-one to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.

    Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

    Q: How many members of the England cricket team does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Four. One to change it after 85 overs, one to throw him the new one, one to drop it, and one to get caught rubbing something out of his pocket into more...

    One Day Dictionary

    Hot 5 years ago

    Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

    Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

    Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

    Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

    Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

    Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

    Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

    Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

    Death: part of the innings in more...

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