Cricket Jokes / Recent Jokes
If I had one cricket ball in one hand, and another cricket ball in the other hand, what would I have?
A bloody big cricket.
Q: How many [cricket] Test Match Special commentators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to eat the lovely chocolate cake sent in by the Bournemouth Womens Institute, one to say "Now when was the last time we had to change a light bulb on-air - wasn't it 1989 at Lords ?" and one to comment on the lovely red bus going down the Oxford Road.
The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
The high divorce rates in America indicate that the U.S. is still the Land of the Free, but your marriage demonstrates that we also remain the Home of the Brave!
The man says: With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow. (Book of Common Prayer)
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
If you are the best man at a wedding there is always my favorite toast:
The screwing you'll get is going to be worth the screwing you'll get.
I didn't have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. more...
there were two guys bob and fred they both loved cricket and would watch it when ever they could they were also really good players. one day they made a bet sayin who ever went to heaven first would come back and tell the other one if there was cricket in heaven. bob died a week latter and came back three days after his death and said to fred i have good news and bad news which do u want first fred said the good news. bob then says there is cricket in heaven. fred then said so wht could possible be the bad news. bob then spoke and said i checked the line up for tommorow night and your our opening bowler
theres a black guy white guy and a mexican guy there all in jail for shutting down there phone services. (black guys cricket and sprocket white guys local and the mexican is all cellz)anyway, there is a door with a $ sign on it in each of there rooms they lead to the same place, a room with 1000000$ to get them all out and 2 buy wuteva thay wanna buy. thay dare each other to go in there. the white guy sez 'ill go 1st wussies' so he walks in there a ghost pops up and sez 'im the ghost of cassadoom take this money youll go boom' so he runs out and tries 2 4get about it. the mexican guy sez ' ill go now that white guy iz a wus' tha same thing happens. the black guy dont say nothin, he just walks in there the ghost pops up and sez im the ghost of cassadoom__ the black guy interupts and sez im the king of cricket and sprocket this moneys goin in my back pocket!
This Australian cricket supporter is at the World Cup final when he has a heart attack. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, he meets up with St. Peter, who asks him why he thinks he deserves to enter Heaven.
"Well," the Aussie says, "three weeks ago I gave ten dollars to a charity for the disabled!"
St. Peter frowns and says, "What else?"
"Two weeks ago I gave ten dollars to the homeless shelter!" the Aussie continues.
"A week ago I gave ten dollars to the orphanage!"
So Peter tells the Aussie to wait for just a minute and he'll be right back. About five minutes later Peter returns and says, "Well, I have discussed your case with the Boss, and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty dollars back, now go to Hell!"
What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together? Chimney Cricket!