Surely Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1. Thou shalt run lint frequently and study its pronouncements with care, for verily its perception and judgement oft exceed thine. 2. Thou shalt not follow the NULL pointer, for chaos and madness await thee at its end. 3. Thou shalt cast all function arguments to the expected type if they are not of that type already, even when thou art convinced that this is unnecessary, lest they take cruel vengeance upon thee when thou least expect it. 4. If thy header files fail to declare the return types of thy library functions, thou shalt declare them thyself with the most meticulous care, lest grievous harm befall thy program. 5. Thou shalt check the array bounds of all strings (indeed, all arrays), for surely where thou typest ''foo'' someone someday shall type ''supercalifragilisticexpialidocious''. 6. If a function be advertised to return an error code in the event of difficulties, thou shalt check for that code, yea, even though the checks triple the size of thy code and produce aches in more...

    A blonde women, a brunette women, and a brown haired women are getting ready to be executed by the electric chair.
    The brunette walks in the room and sits down on the electric chair.
    Before the man throws the switch he asks if she has any last words.
    The brunette says, I did not do anything wrong, I am innocent.
    The man throws the switch and nothing happened. He throws the switch again and says, Surely this is a sign of God. You may leave.
    Next up is the brown haired women.
    Before the man throws the switch he asks if she has any last words.
    I am innocent. I swear I did not do anything wrong.
    The man throws the switch again, and nothing happened. Surely this is a sign of God. You may leave.
    Last up is the blonde.
    Again the man asks if she has any last words before he throws the switch.
    The blonde thinks for a minute and says, Its not plugged in.
    By: Allison, Laura, and Jessie

    A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
    After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
    Just look at our cars.
    There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
    This must be a sign from God!"
    Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
    The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
    This must surely be a sign from God!"
    The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
    Here's another miracle!
    My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
    Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good more...

    April 15th is Tax Day in the USA. Here's some humor to help you through it.
    A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
    "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
    The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service, and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything'."
    I just heard the most marvelous rumor of them all... that Form 1040 has been found to cause cancer in laboratory rats!
    A new arrival, about to enter a hospital, saw two white-coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
    "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
    "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and need to find a suitable stone."
    Dear IRS,
    I would like to cancel my more...

    Beware the lightning that lurketh in the undischarged capacitor, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most un technicianlike manner.
    Cause thou the switch that supplieth large quantities of juice to be opened and thus tagged, that thy days in this Earthly vale of tears be long.
    Prove to thyself that all circuits that radiateth and upon which thou toil are grounded and thusly tagged lest they lift thee unto radio heaven
    Tarry thou not amongst those fools that engageth in intentional shocks, for they are surely non believers and are not longeth for this world.
    Take care that thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of a high voltage circuit, lest thou incinerate both thyself and thy meter.
    Take care thou tampereth not with interlocks and safety devices, for this incurreth the wrath of thy supervisor and bringeth the fury of the safety inspector upon thy head and about thy shoulders.
    Toil not thou on energized equipment, for if thou more...

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