Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage's,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
Cesium,' tis of thee,
Of thee I sing.
Thou whose hydroxide, dis-
solved my wife when she died,
Glorious too, for suicide,
Here, death, is thy sting.
---Songs of Cesium #65
Cesium the Beautiful
Oh beautiful for blue of skies,
Among thy spectral lines.
When cast upon the waters clear,
Thy splendid fire shines.
Our days we trust to thee.
Thy faultless rhyme,
In keeping time,
From care doth set us free.
---Songs of Cesium #68
The Top 15 Pick-Up Lines Used by William Shakespeare
15>' How about a little Puck?'
14>' Of course,' Romeo and Gertrude' is just a working title. I might be persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady.'
13>' Et tu, Cutie?'
12>' Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?'
11>' If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?'
10>' Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?'
9>' My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent.'
8>' Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I'd spend the
evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean.'
7>' Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?'
6>' Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast eyes upon thy beauty!'
5>' Greetings to you, fair sailor.'
4>' But soft, what light through yonder trousers more...
The Chocolate Ritual (You need to know a bit about wicca for this to be a knee slapper.. . )
Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the big one), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet. The athame is represented by a cake knife reserved only for cutting Devil's Food Cake, and the pentacle is represented by a chocolate star.
CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)
Chocolate sprinkles where thou art
Cast no calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!
Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!
CAST THE CIRCLE
(using the Tootsie roll)
CALL THE more...