Thee Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. " I know
this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I'm
sending him over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female
horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. "Nith
looking horth, can I thee her mouth?" So the owner picks up the midget
and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nith mouth. Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes. "Ok, what about the
earth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one
more time and shows the ears. "OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat."
With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the
horse's ass, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like
to see her run!"

China blames U.S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States,? Fully responsible" for today? s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U.S. spy plane. Officials have stated that at approximately 8:46am, GMT, a squadron of F-8 fighters collided with the American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese fighters downed and the blimps electronic billboard damaged.A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision involving his squadron, nicknamed "Panda Rash", told China's news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and onto wingman Thee Sum Yun Dork's f-8 jet. "I told Thee Dork his tail was all broken. Keep it straight. Keep it straight." said the pilot "He could not shake the American foreign-devil" The blimp reportedly then veered left then right, taking more...

Child Ballad 37 deals with Thomas the Rhymer. . . this piece is based upon that and, of course, interaction I observed among SCAdians

True Aubrey in Lady Christiana's Den
(or Spare Room, as the case may be: -)

1 Lord Aubrey visited a shire
And he beheld a ladie gay,
A ladie whose hospitalitie
Was knowne through mundane Thunder Bay

2 Her manor ringed around with snow
Was warm, and lit with lanterns bryht
Ant for Aubrey, who sought crash space
Looked fair to spend the nyht

3 True Aubrey he took off his hat,
And bowed him low down till his knee:
' All hail, thou Queen of Heaven's Lodging!
For its peer on earth I never did see.'

4' O no, O no, Lord Aubrey,' she says,
' This hall is not that which you name;
I offer but my humble home,
If you've come here for to visit me.

* * * * *

5 But ye maun stay wi me now, Aubrey,
Dear Sherriff, ye maun stay more...

China blames U. S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States,? Fully responsible" for today? s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U. S. spy plane. Officials have stated that at approximately 8: 46am, GMT, a squadron of F-8 fighters collided with the American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese fighters downed and the blimps electronic billboard damaged. A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision involving his squadron, nicknamed "Panda Rash", told China's news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and onto wingman Thee Sum Yun Dork's f-8 jet. "I told Thee Dork his tail was all broken. Keep it straight. Keep it straight." said the pilot "He could not shake the American foreign-devil" The blimp reportedly then veered left then right, more...

The saleswoman sat down at the counter in thee run-down diner. It wasn't the land of place she'd have visited on her own, but she was on the road, and it was the only place open.
"Ill have the chicken noodle soup," she said, looking at the menu. After all, she reasoned, the soup would have to have been boiled.
The man behind the counter said, "Sorry, hon, we ain't got that today."
"What do you have?" she asked.
"Chicken pea," he replied.
Growing pale, the woman said, "111 just have coffee, thanks."

The Chocolate Ritual (You need to know a bit about wicca for this to be a knee slapper.. . )

Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the big one), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet. The athame is represented by a cake knife reserved only for cutting Devil's Food Cake, and the pentacle is represented by a chocolate star.

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art
Cast no calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE
(using the Tootsie roll)

CALL THE more...

An Amish boy was driving his horse-drawn buggy to town when he was stopped by a highway patrol officer.
"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer, "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee," said the Amish boy, "I shall have my father repair it as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed that one of the reins to your horse is tied around your horse's testicles. Some might consider this to be 'cruelty to animals' so you'd best have your father check this, too."
"Again I thank thee," said the Amish boy, "I shall have my father check this also when I return home."
True to his word, when the Amish boy got home he told his father about the broken reflector and his father said that he would repair it immediately.
"Also," said the Amish boy, "the policeman said that more...