Taxes Jokes / Recent Jokes

(This letter is supposed to be true, and from the files of a "national tax preparation company". It is apparently a copy of a letter to the IRS that was written in response to a rejection of dependents claimed).
Dear Sirs:
I am responding to your letter denying the deduction of 2 of the 3 dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax Return. THANK YOU! I have questioned whether these are my children for years; they are evil and expensive.
THIS YEAR THEY ARE YOURS! It's only fair since they are minor and not my responsibility, and the government apparently knows something about them. You MAY wish to apply next year to re-assign them to me and reinstate the deduction.
The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant, just ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office, where she can answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject you can name. Taxes should more...

REVENUE CANADA *T1-SIMPLIFIED TAX FORM

New Simplified Tax Form for 2000 Taxes

1. How much money did you make in 2000?
2. Send it to us.

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank God," returned Mr. Carr, "I thought you were going to want cash!"

Q: How is golf like taxes?
A: Well, you drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole.

A FEW years back Bombayites were up in arms against the deteriorating civic amenities of the metropolis. The dug-up roads, mountains of refuse, open man-holes and unhealthy atmosphere in the civic hospitals caused public anger. The newspapers of Bombay also backed the citizens of Bombay and, day in and day out, articles were written about the utter lack of civic amenities inspite of the huge municipal taxes collected by the Corporation.
In this surcharged atmosphere, the cross road between Bandstand and Hill road was dug up to lay sewer drains of bigger dimensions-a routine matter for the BMC. The engineer-in-charge hit on an idea and instead of putting up that rickety board "CAUTION MEN AT WORK", he displayed a neat blackboard and wrote in bold letters
"Citizen-Your Taxes on Work."
Next morning the engineer found himself oversmarted by some guy who had added one line to the idea: "GOING DOWN THE DRAIN."

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.""Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."