Surely Jokes / Recent Jokes

Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes.
Thou shalt remember thy name and password.
Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day.
Honor thy SysOp.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's password, nor his or her real name, computer, software, nor any other thing belonging to him or her.
Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning.
Thou shalt use the English language properly.
Thou shalt spell thy words correctly when ever possible.
Thou shalt delete thine olden messages.
Thou shalt help other users.
Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism.
Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself.
Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40 nights of penance of voice-only communications.
Thou shalt first dial BBS numbers during the day by way of voice line to assure correct more...

Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes. Thou shalt remember thy name and password. Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day. Honor thy SysOp. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's password, nor his or her real name, computer, software, nor any other thing belonging to him or her. Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning. Thou shalt use the English language properly. Thou shalt spell thy words correctly when ever possible. Thou shalt delete thine olden messages. Thou shalt help other users. Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism. Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself. Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40 nights of penance of voice-only communications. Thou shalt first dial BBS numbers during the day by way of voice line to assure correct numbers. Thou shalt not post messages while drunk. more...

1. Thou shalt run lint frequently and study its pronouncements with care, for verily its perception and judgement oft exceed thine. 2. Thou shalt not follow the NULL pointer, for chaos and madness await thee at its end. 3. Thou shalt cast all function arguments to the expected type if they are not of that type already, even when thou art convinced that this is unnecessary, lest they take cruel vengeance upon thee when thou least expect it. 4. If thy header files fail to declare the return types of thy library functions, thou shalt declare them thyself with the most meticulous care, lest grievous harm befall thy program. 5. Thou shalt check the array bounds of all strings (indeed, all arrays), for surely where thou typest ``foo'' someone someday shall type ``supercalifragilisticexpialidocious''. 6. If a function be advertised to return an error code in the event of difficulties, thou shalt check for that code, yea, even though the checks triple the size of thy code and produce aches in more...

There was this little old lady who was nearly blind and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking her would surely win her approval.

Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot that had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask of him any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she confronted her second son with "Son, the car is more...

1. Thou shalt run lint frequently and study its pronouncements with care, for verily its perception and judgement oft exceed thine.

2. Thou shalt not follow the NULL pointer, for chaos and madness await thee at its end.

3. Thou shalt cast all function arguments to the expected type if they are not of that type already, even when thou art convinced that this is unnecessary, lest they take cruel vengeance upon thee when thou least expect it.

4. If thy header files fail to declare the return types of thy library functions, thou shalt declare them thyself with the most meticulous care, lest grievous harm befall thy program.

5. Thou shalt check the array bounds of all strings (indeed, all arrays), for surely where thou typest ``foo'' someone someday shall type ``supercalifragilisticexpialidocious''.

6. If a function be advertised to return an error code in the event of difficulties, thou shalt check for that code, yea, even though the more...

Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes. Thou shalt remember thy name and password. Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day. Honor thy SysOp. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor`s password, nor his or her real name, computer, software, nor any other thing belonging to him or her. Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning. Thou shalt use the English language properly. Thou shalt spell thy words correctly when ever possible. Thou shalt delete thine olden messages. Thou shalt help other users. Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism. Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself. Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40 nights of penance of voice-only communications. Thou shalt first dial BBS numbers during the day by way of voice line to assure correct numbers. Thou shalt not post messages while drunk. more...

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
Here's another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good more...