Summer Jokes / Recent Jokes

TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER...10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren`t his.9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.8. He`s always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn`t here. He`s on the ice planet Hoth."2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.

There's a story about an MIT student who spent an entire summer going
to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white
striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen
minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and
then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time
for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the
field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half
hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his
thesis on this, and graduated.

Four men are golfing one day. The first man steps up to tee and states boastfully "My son is so rich that he bought his lover a house".
The second man steps up to tee and says, "Well, MY son is so rich that he bought his lover a new car".
The third man steps up and says, "My son is so wealthy that he bought his lover a whole summer home in Miami."
Finally, the fourth man goes to tee and he says, "Well, my son isn't rich and self-made like yours and he's gay, and from what I hear, despite my objections, he has 3 separate lovers and from them he just got a new house, a new car, and a summer home in Miami."

Four men are golfing one day. The first man steps up to tee and states boastfully "My son is so rich that he bought his lover a house".The second man steps up to tee and says, "Well, MY son is so rich that he bought his lover a new car". The third man steps up and says, "My son is so wealthy that he bought his lover a whole summer home in Miami."Finally, the fourth man goes to tee and he says, "Well, my son isn't rich and self-made like yours and he's gay, and from what I hear, despite my objections, he has 3 separate lovers and from them he just got a new house, a new car, and a summer home in Miami."

One hot summer I worked for the "L'il Stinker" company, a guy down the
street from us that pumped septic tanks. It actually wasn't a bad
job. Most of my day was spent driving all over backwoods San Diego
County in a big white pickup truck (San Diego County still had
backwoods then). My job was to get to the customer in advance of the
tank truck, find the septic tank, and dig down to the lid so everything
would be ready when "Sweeney" got there with the tank truck. The tank
truck was great-huge black monster with two white stripes running
down the back, a picture of a skunk, and his phone number. If you saw
it once, you remembered it instantly whenever your toilets backed up.
Over the course of the summer "Sweeney" told me a number of interesting
and possibly true stories. This has always been one of my favorites.
Sweeney got called out to this house in Rancho Santa Fe, a very ritzy
suburb. Typical more...

1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
3. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable,
grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave
both
unlocked.
6. You know what a “VOL” is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car…for your OWN car.
11. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday
12. You find 100 degrees fahrenheit “a little warm”.
13. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer
and
Christmas.
14. You know whether another Tennessean is from east, west or middle
Tennessee as soon as they open their mouth.
15. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as”goin’ Wal-
martin” or
off to “Wally more...

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."