Male Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
    After dinner one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
    As she comes back the male doctor says I bet you are a surgeon.
    She confirms and asks how he knew.
    Easy youre always washing your hands.
    She then says I bet youre an anesthesiologist.
    Male doctor: Wow how did you guess?
    Female doctor: I didnt feel a thing.

    Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says "I want four budgies." Salesman-certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female? Newfie-I don't care. I just want 4 budgies! Salesman-certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr... Newfie - I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard? Salesman - O.K. O.K. The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom. The second newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says "What a shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be!"

    Talking Parrots

    Hot 5 years ago

    A woman approaches her priest and tells him,
    'Father, I have a problem. I have two talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'
    'What do they say?' the priest inquires.
    'They only know how to say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"'
    'That's terrible,' the priest exclaims, 'but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots that I taught to pray and recite the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.'
    'Thank you,' the woman responds.
    The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The woman puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots.
    Immediately, the female parrots say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?'
    One of the male more...

    Bread

    Hot 6 years ago

    A general store owner hired a young female clerk who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
    One day a young man entered the store, glanced at the clerk and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.
    "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man said.
    The clerk nodded and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which was located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.
    Once she descended the ladder he mused that he really should get two loaves as he was having company for dinner.
    As the clerk retrieved the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers noticed what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requested his own loaf of raisin bread so he could continue to enjoy the view.
    With each trip up the more...

    Bits of information to help you through the day:
    If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
    A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)
    Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)
    Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn't the pig included here?)
    The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm... )
    The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the gov't pay for this research??)
    Polar bears are left handed. (I'm sure glad somebody found that out!)
    A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. ( So my ex-husband WAS a cockroach after all!)
    The male more...

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