Summer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Original Version:
    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
    The New Liberal Version:
    It starts out the same, but when winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
    America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
    Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on NightLine more...

    Pig In Summer

    Hot 2 years ago

    Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
    A: I'm bacon!

    Earlier this summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
    hour east of Bakersfield, a fellow new to boating was having a problem. No
    matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get his brand new 22-ft Bayliner
    to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and was very sluggish in
    almost every maneuver, no matter how much power he supplied.
    After about an hour of trying to make it go, he putted over to a nearby
    marina. Maybe they could tell him what was wrong.
    A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order.
    The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the
    correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
    check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
    Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

    Ant and a grasshopper

    Hot 4 years ago

    THE ORIGINAL VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.MODERN CANADIAN VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to more...

    Tip Top Shape

    Hot 2 years ago

    A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
    The 60-year-old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
    The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
    The 60-year-old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."
    The doctor couldn't believe it. So, he asked, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
    The 60-year-old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
    The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
    The 60-year-old said, "He goes skiing at more...

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