Speeding Jokes / Recent Jokes
Leaps over tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.
Leaps over short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, and talks to God.
Leaps over short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is as fast as a speeding b-b, walks on water in an indoor pool, and talks to God if special request is approved.
Barely clears quonset huts, loses tug-of-war with locomotives, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occassionally addressed by God.
Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotives, can someimes handle a weapon without inflicting self-injury, can doggie-paddle, and talks to more...
A rookie officer pulled over a guy who was speeding.
officer:May I see your license?
Man:It is not valid.It has been revoked 5 times.
officer:Well then can I please see the registration to the car?
Man:this is not my car.I carjacked it.
Officer:Well open up the glove box and let me see who it is regitered to.
Man:I can't open up the glove box, it has my loaded gun in there
About this time the officer is reaching for his gun.
Officer:Well what do you have a gun in the glove box for?
Man:Oh, I used to kill my wife who is stuffed in the trunk.
The officer goes over and calls for backup.The police chief comes over and says,
Chief:Let me get this straight, you are driving on a license that has been revoked 5 times?
Man: No, Here, take a look,
And sure enough it was valid
Chief:Okay, but you carjacked this car?
Man:No it is my car.Let me get the registration out of the glove box and show you.
Chief:But don't you have a loaded more...
A Police car pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway.Glancing at the car he was astonished to see that the blond behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the cop rolled down his window and shouted "Pullover!". The blonde rolled down her window and yelled back "No, it's a scarf!".
Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn`t take his foot of the accelerator.
Policeman: I suppose you're going to tell me you weren't speeding. Motorist: I was speeding all right, but I was testing you to see if you were paying attention.
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver more...
A cop stopped a speeding boy racer fo going over the speed limit and told the speeding youngster " i have been waiting for you all day boy" the young boy racer replied " sir i got here as fast as i could".