Slept Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

    My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

    Once there were three ants. They had no safe place in the house to live except for the bathroom. So first ant slept in the sink, the second slept in the shower and the third slept in the toilet...
    Next day when they woke up, the first ant said,"I slept fine." The second ant said,"I slept fine." The third ant said,"I slept fine but first it thundered then it rained then a huge log fell over my head."

    3 gay guys are driving down a country road when their car breaks down. They walk for a mile or two before they come across an old farmhouse, so they go up and ask the old farmer who lives there, if they can spend the night until they can get a tow truck out here. The old man agrees but tells them that there is only one bed and the 3 of them will have to share it.
    So the 3 gay guys get into bed and go to sleep. The first guy slept on the left, the second slept in the middle, and the third slept on the right. They wake up in the morning around the same time. The first guy says, "Wow, that was the best dream ever! I dreamt Brad Pitt was giving me the best handjob ever!"
    The third guy says, "Wow, me too. I dreamt Tom Cruise was giving me the best handjob ever!"
    The second guy says, "Hm, thats odd. I had the weirdest dream; I dreamt I was skiing."

    A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept.
    He figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde, when suddenly she
    strikes up a conversation with him! Soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol. The blonde leans over to the guy and says,
    "Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
    Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters
    the word, "Okay."
    They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door. The blonde stops him and says, "Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell you, I'm on my menstrual cycle."
    He says,..."That's ok, I'll follow you in my Honda."

    A travelling salesman once got caught up in a blizzard got shelter with a farmer who had three daughters. The farmer called him aside and told him, "Young man, I have three daughters, so stay in your room the whole night and no tricks, be warned."
    In the morning, the salesman came down and the farmer asked him, "How was your night, young man?"
    "Oh! Slept like a rabbit. Thanks for your hospitality; I will never forget it."
    The farmer felt very happy and at the bar that night mentioned this fact to his close friend. He was boasting what a good father he had been by keeping his daughters away from trouble.
    His friend laughed aloud and said, "You fool! A rabbit does not sleep at night. It goes from hole to hole the whole night!"

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