Shock Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 8 men, One to get off the couch, One to find a lightbulb, One to find a ladder, One to screw it in, One to shock himself and shock everyone around, One to call a docter, One to find out that it wasn't out, the switch was off, and finally, one to sit back in laugh!

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a more...

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).
Cats, like their nemesis, the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors, from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.
So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.
Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.
1. First, dress for the occasion. A more...

Santa was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no car went by.
The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stop.
Santa, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door and only then realized that there's nobody behind the wheel! The car starts very slowly.
Santa looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray, begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock when, just before the car hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel. Santa, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are approaching a curve.
Santa, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town. Wet and in shock he goes into a bar, asks for two shots of whiskey, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went more...

Washing Your CatSome people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).Cats, like their nemesis, the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors, from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog`s breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.1. First, dress for the occasion. A 4-ply more...

As reported by the Brockton Enterprise, Friday, August 14, 1998

"Bride finds groom-to-be in bed with best man"

ATHENS-

Greek machismo has suffered a below-the-belt blow in Crete, where a bride-to-be was hospitalized with "severe shock" after discovering her groom in bed with his best man on the eve of their wedding.

A policeman in Heraklion said the story had sent shock waves through the island, where the groom has gone into hiding. "What was really upsetting for her was that he was wearing her wedding dress when she caught him in their own bed," he said. "Her family has sworn revenge if they ever find him."

The Athens news agency that carried the report said the couple had decided to tie the knot after a turbulent relationship and the wedding date was set for last Saturday. The bride-to-be stumbled upon her fiance and his best man after friends asked her to take them to the couple's home more...

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he’ll have a little fun…
Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? ”
Indian: “Dog no talk. ”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going? ”
Dog: “Doin’ alright. ”
Indian: shows extreme look of shock
Cowboy: “Is this Indian your owner? ” pointing at Indian.
Dog: “Yep”
Cowboy: “How does he treat you? ”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play. ”
Indian: shows look of disbelief
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse? ”
Indian: “Horse no talk. ”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going? ”
Horse: “Cool. ”
Indian: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: “Is this your owner? “pointing at Indian.
Horse: “Yep. ”
Cowboy: “How’s he treat you? ”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me more...