Shining Jokes

Once a man was coming home he saw the stars were shining, the dogs were barking at a thief who came and broke the wall and drove off. After sometime when the police arrived they asked the man what happened he said the stars were barking the dogs were shining a thief came and broke the car and drove the wall the police said from where you were coming he said from the doctor.

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining the day is young,
we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring
that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the
light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these
people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed
any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no
one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the

Women are under the illusion they don't have to ask men for anything - that if the man really loved her, he would automatically and instinctively know what she needed. Right! As if the dysfunctional drone even knew you were in the room, let alone knew what you were feeling. A woman has a better chance of finding a bathing suit off the rack that fits than finding a man who knows what she is going through. Ironically, however, men like to feel needed - like they're her knight in shining armor. Unfortunately, most turn out to be needy, like her nightmare from The Shining. Therefore, it is important that a woman ask a man directly for what she wants, not indirectly. He is not a mind reader. He doesn't even read a map, how's he going to read a mind?

How To Ask A Man To Do Something

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Always remember these five important rules when asking a man to do something:

1. Make sure the man is conscious.

2. more...

A young French city slicker decides to have some exotic experience and enlists himself in the Foreign Legion. Two months later he's sent to the most remote fort in the middle of the Sahara.
The first month is fun, with all the training. Of course, now he's concerned about the lack of women around the fort... He decides to ask one of the local how they manage with it.
"Hey, Mustapha! Stop shining your boots and tell me how you can get a good fuck around here."
"No problem to fuck... just use the camel!"
"What!! Maybe that's good for you but I need a real woman, you pile of shit..."
"Maybe you're upset but no other way to get a fuck around here..."
Of course the guy turns around and ends up waiting one more month before he gets to the point where he could fuck anything. He goes back to Mustapha, still shining his boots.
"OK, Mustapha, how do you REALLY get a fuck around here?" "
I told you... more...

Once there was a man, whose servant didn't remember anything properly. One day in that man's house there was a robbery.
The man told his servant to inform the police that- Last night, the stars were shining, dogs were barking, one thief came and took my master's cow.
The servant went to the police station and said- Last night, the dogs were shining, the stars were barking, one cow came and stole my master's thief.