Senator Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Sri Lankan politician namely S. B. Dissanayake went to the U. S. to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion and lush grounds and costly furnishings.

"But how can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?" the minister asked. The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"You see that river?"
"Yes."
"You see the bridge over it?"
"Of course," said the minister.
"Just Ten percent of the project" the senator said smugly.
Some time later, the senator had occasion to pay a return visit. S. B lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to the minister's house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, which glittered with precious art and bustled with hundreds of servants.

"But how can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Sri Lankan more...

A priest went into a Washington, D.C. barbershop and got his hair cut. He then asked asked how much he owed the barber. "No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service to the Lord." when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest.

A few days later, a police officer came in. "How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut. "No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a service to my community." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.

A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. "How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward. "No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a more...

Sen. John Ensign of Nevada claims his parents gave $96,000 to his mistress and her family.
Eliot Spitzer spent about $100,000 on his hooker over ten years or so and Senator Ensign spent $96,000 in one day. And the Republicans clam to be more fiscally responsible than Democrats.

Teddy the red-nosed senator
Had a very shiny car
And if you ever saw it
You were probably at a bar.
All of the other senators
Wondered how he got his dames
They thought he drank too many
To play in any bedroom games.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say:
"Teddy with your nose so red,
Won't you help me guide my sled?"
That's how the police found them
Wrapped around a maple tree
Teddy the red-nosed senator
He's a drunken S.O.B.

Late night Comedians and Talk Show hosts are having a Field Day this political season.! These are some of the better ones. Hope you enjoy.



"In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. It may take another five years, but this is it."



"John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle."
"Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate. They say that because John Edwards still has $50 million in campaign money, Kerry might pick him. Pick him? Hey, for $50 million, Kerry will marry him"Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."
"According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that's why John Kerry had all that more...

WASHINGTON D.C. - Following an emergency meeting Wednesday morning, Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.
The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election.
"This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian Gonzales, now this."
Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming.
"We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney Frank. "They've been a constant embarrassment for too long now." Added Frank, "They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh that's right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot."
In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up billions of dollars in social security funds. more...

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had more...