Kerry meets with the Queen of England. He asks her,
how do you run such an efficient government? Are there
any tips you can give
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important
thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Kerry frowns. "But how do I know the people around
me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy.
You just ask them to
answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes
a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair
in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles, "Answer me this, please, Tony.
Your mother and father have a child. It is not your
brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That
would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says more...
Senator John Kerry, recovering from prostate surgery, was told it would be six weeks before he could be sexually active.
John Edwards called to wish Kerry well.
Al Sharpton called Kerry to offer prayers.
Howard Dean called with encouragement on recovery.
Bill Clinton called Teresa.
IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER - -Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great, But... there are problems that can't wait! Now Benton's fine, and Carter too, But Ross and Susan just won't do! Now who do you think that we should hire, Since both of them today I'll fire? Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see...Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree...Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt...But the paramedics just pulled up.Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got? Shep: This little boy has just been shot! His pulse is faint, his breath is weak.We did all we could to stop the leak.Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip... Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip? Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair, So I shoved her-lightly-down some stairs.Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three! Doug and Susan! Come with me! Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see? We've got some more; one, two, and three.Kerry: You've got three more? How can this be? Explain it, tell more...
A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are John Kerry fans.
Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Johnny says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a John Kerry fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."
The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan.
The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this IS Vermont, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a John Kerry fan."
Former Chrysler chief Lee Iacocca says he's backing John Kerry for president because he says, "Kerry will level with the American people."
Iacocca's endorsement is expected to make a big difference, because if there's anyone who Americans trust with judging honesty, it's a former car salesman.