Select Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. select Bait
2. select hole
3. pull out big rod
4. cast rod in
5. go upstream not down
6. pay for bait when finished
7. leave with chatch
REDMOND, Washington-January 4, 1995-In response to customer
inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming policy for Bob(tm),
its new software product designed for computer beginners. Contrary
to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all persons formerly named
"Bob" immediately select new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from," commented Steve
Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice President for Worldwide Sales and
Support. "It's ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people
outside the computer industry to change their names. We won't, and
our licensing policies for people within the industry will be so
reasonable that the Justice Department could never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will be given the
opportunity to select new names, and will also be offered a
licensing option allowing them to continue using their former names
at very low more...
Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994
1. Introduction
The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.
2. Food
In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.
a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...
Bill Gates was in India a few days ago.
He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows2000
version in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms
that may be used in the Hindi version of...
Windows 2000: Khirkiyan 2000
File - Phaail
Save - Bachao
Save as - Aise Bachao
Save All - Subko Bachao
Help - Mujhe Bachao
Select - Chuno
Select All - Sab Chuno
Find - Dhoondo
Find Again - Firse Dhoondo
Move - Hilao
Mail - Dak
Mailer - Dakiya
Zoom - Paas se dhekho
Zoom Out - Dhoor se dhekho
Open - Kholo
Close - Band Karo
New - Naya
Replace - Badli Karo
Run - Bhaago
Print - Chaapo
Print Preview - Dekh Ke Chaapo
Copy - Teepo
Cut - Kaato
Paste - Chipkao
Paste Special - Jayada Chipkao
Delete - Dho dalo
View - Nazaara
Tools - Auzaar
Toolbar - Auzaar ka dabba
Spreadsheet - Khuli Chaadar
Database - Bahi more...
Facts that all budding Male Software Engineers (MSE) must know regarding Female Software Engineers (FSE) (Applicable to all SEs who have 0-3 years of experience in S/W industry.)
The probability that a FSE is beautiful is 0.004562314 and viceversa.
The miniscule proportion of the beautiful FSEs are either engaged or married.
An FSE will always ask a doubt to which you know the answer; to the MSE sitting next to you.
You will not know the answer to the doubt an FSE asks you.
An FSE will always phone you when you are not in your seat.
The probability that an FSE will send you an e-mail regarding something other than work is 0.0321459.
An MSE will always select an FSE in an interview if he feels she is more beautiful than his colleague FSEs. The probability that the FSE will get thru in the second round is 0.
An MSE will always brag about a beautiful FSE he selected in an interview. The probability that he will receive swear words after the FSE failed in more...
AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...