Report Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The chinese detective

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
    Most honorable sir:
    You leave house.
    He come house.
    I watch.
    He and she leave house.
    I follow.
    He and she get on train.
    I follow.
    He and she go in hotel.
    I climb tree-look in window.
    He kiss she.
    She kiss he.
    He strip she.
    She strip he.
    He play with she.
    She play with he.
    I play with me.
    fall out of tree, not see.
    NO FEE

    Chinese Detective

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report activities while he was gone.
    A few days later he received this report:
    Most Hon'ble Sir,
    You leave the house.
    I watch house.
    He come to house.
    I watch.
    He and she leave house.
    I follow.
    He and she get on train.
    I follow.
    He and she go in hotel.
    I climb tree - look in window.
    He kiss she.
    She kiss he.
    He strip she.
    She strip he.
    He play with she.
    She play with he.
    I play with me.
    Fall out of tree.
    Not see.
    No fee.

    Q: How many SAS

    Hot 6 years ago

    Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: One to analyze the historical failure rates of lightbulbs using PROC LIFEREG, so as to anticipate the failure of the lightbulb before the user actually has to report it, one to explain why SAS is better for changing lightbulbs than S-Plus, SPSS/X, BMDP, SYSTAT, MINITAB or a spreadsheet, one to write a custom interface in AF/SCL allowing the user to manually request the changing of the light bulb after its failure (prematurely) occurs, one to write a report with PROC SQL and PROC REPORT which will summarize the lightbulbs needing to be changed, sorted twelve different ways, cross-indexed (by wattage, type, and prematureness-of-failure) and totaled, one to actually spin the light bulb into the socket using SAS/Insight, one to call Cary to try to get them to explain when a new version of the lightbulb will ship, how much we'll pay to keep using lightbulbs for another year, and what we'll do if our site sends all its more...

    A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor.
    "Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."
    The Editor scolded the new reporter, saying. "This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!"
    The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )"

    Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."
    Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"
    Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."
    That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
    The next morning he more...

  • Recent Activity