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    The chinese detective

    Hot 2 years ago

    A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
    Most honorable sir:
    You leave house.
    He come house.
    I watch.
    He and she leave house.
    I follow.
    He and she get on train.
    I follow.
    He and she go in hotel.
    I climb tree-look in window.
    He kiss she.
    She kiss he.
    He strip she.
    She strip he.
    He play with she.
    She play with he.
    I play with me.
    fall out of tree, not see.
    NO FEE

    Chinese Detective

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report activities while he was gone.
    A few days later he received this report:
    Most Hon'ble Sir,
    You leave the house.
    I watch house.
    He come to house.
    I watch.
    He and she leave house.
    I follow.
    He and she get on train.
    I follow.
    He and she go in hotel.
    I climb tree - look in window.
    He kiss she.
    She kiss he.
    He strip she.
    She strip he.
    He play with she.
    She play with he.
    I play with me.
    Fall out of tree.
    Not see.
    No fee.

    Q: How many SAS

    Hot 7 years ago

    Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: One to analyze the historical failure rates of lightbulbs using PROC LIFEREG, so as to anticipate the failure of the lightbulb before the user actually has to report it, one to explain why SAS is better for changing lightbulbs than S-Plus, SPSS/X, BMDP, SYSTAT, MINITAB or a spreadsheet, one to write a custom interface in AF/SCL allowing the user to manually request the changing of the light bulb after its failure (prematurely) occurs, one to write a report with PROC SQL and PROC REPORT which will summarize the lightbulbs needing to be changed, sorted twelve different ways, cross-indexed (by wattage, type, and prematureness-of-failure) and totaled, one to actually spin the light bulb into the socket using SAS/Insight, one to call Cary to try to get them to explain when a new version of the lightbulb will ship, how much we'll pay to keep using lightbulbs for another year, and what we'll do if our site sends all its more...

    This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick, is this Bricklayer's report. Dear Sir; I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went more...

    A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor.
    "Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."
    The Editor scolded the new reporter, saying. "This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!"
    The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )"

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