Regret Jokes / Recent Jokes
(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the NationText from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum. 10. 16 P. m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998Good evening. This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury. I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer. Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the media. As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my more...
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret? Yes, the professor ansvered. When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now. Well, said the gatekeeper. That is a very minor sin. You may enter. Thank you very much, Saint Peter, the professor ansvered. Im am not Saint Peter, said the gatekeeper. He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. — Woody Allen
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper:' Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'' Yes,' the professor ansvered.' When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'' Well,' said the gatekeeper.' That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'' Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered.' Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper.' He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'
If you do something you'll regret in the morning, SLEEP TILL NOON!
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret? ’ ‘Yes, ’ the professor ansvered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now. ’ ‘Well, ’ said the gatekeeper. ‘That is a very minor sin. You may enter. ’ ‘Thank you very much, Saint Peter, ’ the professor ansvered. ‘Im am not Saint Peter, ’ said the gatekeeper. ‘He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas. ’
The revered Mr. Lu, bereft of his spouse in his declining years, took a young woman named Zhu as second wife. Unhappy about the union, Zhu was often seen knitting her brows. One day, Mr. Lu asked her: "Do you regret that you have married an old man?" "No," "You're unhappy because my official rank is too low?" "No, it's not that." "Then why are you so unhappy?" "Neither your old age nor your low rank is the cause of my regret. My only regret is that I was born too late to have met you when you were young."