Evidence Jokes

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    ' 'Squawks'' are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem, (S) = Solution

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
    (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

    (P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    (S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level.

    (P) Dead bugs on more...

    'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
    yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity
    was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that
    species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously
    suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant
    to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
    philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St.
    Nicholas.
    The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
    accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations
    of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebra. My
    conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal cranial coverings, were about
    to take slumbrous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous
    exterior more...

    "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews, and are normally accompanied by a response from the maintenance worker.
    (Don't let these scare you about air travel any more than any other tidbits you hear in the news.)
    From the "squawk sheets":
    Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
    Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
    Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
    Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
    Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
    Solution #2: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
    Problem #2: "#1,#3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
    Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
    Solution: "IT DOES NOW"
    Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
    Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit"
    Problem: more...

    A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version)
    'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus.
    Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
    The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums.
    My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous more...

    A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version)'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus.Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums.My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of more...

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