Grand Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A love story

    Hot 1 year ago

    John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She now lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard more...

    Diplomat Wants Water

    Hot 6 years ago

    An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.
    "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.
    "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well.

    On Divorce

    Hot 4 years ago

    Divorce is bachelorhood, with strings attached...
    Tis better to have loved and lost....than have to live with the bitch the rest of my life.
    What do you call a woman without an asshole? Divorced.
    My ex-wife is like a good laxative...she irritates the shit out of you.
    Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
    Divorce is having your genitals torn off through your wallet. - Robin Williams
    Love is grand. Divorce is at least 20 grand.
    When I got divorced, my wife and I split the house. I got the outside and she got the inside.
    Of all the new weight loss programs and exercise videos available, divorce is still the most effective. Where else can you get rid of 205 pounds in a quick 90 days.
    Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. - Ambrose Pierce
    When does a woman stop masturbating? After the divorce is finalized.
    Says Jim after the divorce was finally settled - "Eh, I didn't care for some of her habits...I more...

    A man bought a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30-some thousand dollars with $400+ dollar monthly
    payments. He immediately got hold of his friend and they went to do some male bonding. They went duck
    hunting... and of course, all the lakes are frozen.
    The two went to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drove
    out onto the lake ice and got ready. Now, they wanted to make some kind of a natural landing area for
    the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole
    large enough to look like something a wandering duck would want to fly down and land on, it is going
    to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
    So, out of the new Grand Cherokee came the new owner, the friend, the dog, and a stick of dynamite
    with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists did take into consideration that if they
    placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a more...

    Grand Canyon

    Hot 2 years ago

    Your mama is so fat whe she sat down on a desert it turned into the Grand Canyon.

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