Pregnancy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A. Then the jig is up.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are more...

Girls are like pregnancy tests: when i pee on them, i never get positive results.

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."

Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)
SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors statements as proof. We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.
PREGNANCY
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. IF it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.
DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to... or after death.
This new benefit program started yesterday.
THE MANAGEMENT

A couple had been trying for quite some time to have a child. One day, while the husband was in the driveway washing his car, his blonde wife came rushing up to him, jumping for joy. Not knowing what had her so excited, he asked her what was going on.
"Honey, I have some great news. I'm pregnant," the wife explained, jumping up and down with excitement.
The husband was so ecstatic, he grabbed her and began kissing her when she stopped him and said, "Wait, there's more!"
Confused, he asked, "What do you mean, there's more?"
"We're not just having one baby, we're having twins!" she excitedly replied.
Not understanding how she could know so soon into the pregnancy that she was carrying twins, he asked her how she knew this.
"That was the easy part," she said. "I went to Wal-Mart and bought the 2-pack home pregnancy kit. Both tests came out positive!"