Pregnancy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
    A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
    Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
    A. Have sex once a year.
    Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
    A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
    Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
    A. Then the jig is up.
    Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
    A. Your therapist.
    Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
    A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
    Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
    A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
    Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are more...

    Girls are like pregnancy tests: when i pee on them, i never get positive results.

    A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.
    She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
    He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"
    She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!
    He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
    Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"
    He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"
    She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
    Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
    She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out more...

    A couple had been trying for quite some time to have a child. One day, while the husband was in the driveway washing his car, his blonde wife came rushing up to him, jumping for joy. Not knowing what had her so excited, he asked her what was going on.
    "Honey, I have some great news. I'm pregnant," the wife explained, jumping up and down with excitement.
    The husband was so ecstatic, he grabbed her and began kissing her when she stopped him and said, "Wait, there's more!"
    Confused, he asked, "What do you mean, there's more?"
    "We're not just having one baby, we're having twins!" she excitedly replied.
    Not understanding how she could know so soon into the pregnancy that she was carrying twins, he asked her how she knew this.
    "That was the easy part," she said. "I went to Wal-Mart and bought the 2-pack home pregnancy kit. Both tests came out positive!"

    A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy.
    The doctor asks her if she has any questions.
    She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
    The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
    "I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
    "Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
    "Like this?"
    "A little more..."
    "Like this?"
    "No. A little more..."
    "Like this?"
    "Yes. Does that hurt?"
    "A little bit."
    "Now stretch it over your head!"

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