Pain Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

    It can buy a bed - but not sleep
    It can buy a clock - but not time
    It can buy you a book - but not knowledge
    It can buy you a position - but not respect
    It can buy you medicine - but not health
    It can buy you blood - but not life
    So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering...
    So send me all your money and I will suffer for you!!

    I asked God

    Hot 2 years ago

    I asked God to take away my pain.
    God said, No.
    It is not for me to take away,
    but for you to give it up.
    I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
    God said, No.
    Her spirit was whole,
    her body was only temporary.
    I asked God to grant me patience.
    God said, No.
    Patience is a by-product of tribulations;
    it isn't granted, it is earned.
    I asked God to give me happiness.
    God said, No.
    I give you blessings.
    Happiness is up to you.
    I asked God to spare me pain.
    God said, No.
    Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
    and brings you closer to me.
    I asked God to make my spirit grow.
    God said, No.
    You must grow on your own,
    but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
    I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
    God said, No.
    I will give you life
    so that you may enjoy all things.
    I asked God to help me love others, as much as he loves me.
    And God said... Ah, finally you more...

    A Little Too Much Sun

    Hot 2 years ago

    Jim had a date with a really, hot blonde and in preparation for it, he went on the rooftop of his apartment building to get a tan. Not wanting to have any tan lines, he decided to sunbathe in the nude. Unfortunately, Jim fell asleep. When he finally woke up, he was sunburned everywhere, including his member.
    Determined to not let it ruin his big date, he hurried back to his apartment and immediately put some lotion on his penis to stop the burning.
    His date arrived at his apartment and he treated her to a romantic dinner. After dinner, they were relaxing on the couch in his living room, watching a movie, when the soothing effects of the lotion began to wear off. Jim endured the pain for a short while and finally excused himself so he could apply more lotion, only to find that he had run out.
    He recalled a friend telling him that milk was helpful in reducing sunburn pain, so he went into the kitchen, poured a large glass of cold milk, quickly placed his sunburned penis in more...

    Skiing Accident

    Hot 7 years ago

    A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
    One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.
    If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.
    Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she more...

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