Yes Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver more...

    Proxy Father

    Hot 4 years ago

    The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said,' 'I'm off. The man should be here soon''.

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.' 'Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....''

    ''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.

    ''Really?'' the photographer asked.' 'Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.''

    ''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

    ''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''

    ''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and more...

    Bride

    Hot 2 years ago

    Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable Old Brahmin to
    ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he goes "I have heard that
    your daughter has all the good qualities of a Bahu"?
    The old brahmin answered "Haan! !
    More that that, she is Sundara Vati and Padma Vati"
    But can she cook and keep house"? Asked the young man "Oh yes,
    she is Dharma Vati" answered the old man
    "Now, can she sew"? asked the young man "Oh yes yes,
    she can not only sew, but she is KalaVati " answered the old man
    "What about her education"? Asked the young man
    "She is Vidya Vati" answered the old man
    "And the Vedas"? Asked the young man "Oh yes yes,
    she is Veda Vati" answered the old man
    The young man is very happy to find the perfect bride and gets married to her.
    Two days later he comes back with his newly married more...

    Garn Collingwood

    Hot 2 years ago

    I think this family is from Broady (Broadmeadows). Broadmeadows is a suburb of Melbourne Australia with a good reputation. There is no love lost between the following 2 AFL Football Teams.

    A family of Collingwood supporters head out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting. While in Rebel sports, the son picks up an Essendon football jumper and says to his 20 year old sister "I've decided to become a Bomber supporter i would like this for Christmas".

    His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him around the head with her carton of Winfield and says, "Go talk to Mum". Off goes the little lad with Essendon jumper in hand to find his Mum.

    "Mum?"

    "Yes son?"

    "I've decided to be an Essendon supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas".

    The mother is outraged by this and throws her moccasins and full V. B. tinnie at him, promptly whacks him around the more...

    Face the consequences

    Hot 1 year ago

    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

    "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

    Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"

    "Yes, I do."

    "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"

    "Yes, I have to admit that I did."

    "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your more...

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