Pitch Jokes / Recent Jokes
The basic training of every singer should, of course, include myriad types of practical and theoretical emphases. One important area which is often neglected, however, is the art of one-upmanship. The following rules are intended as guides to the development of habits which will promote the proper type of relationship between singer and conductor. 1. Never be satisfied with the starting pitch. If the conductor uses a pitch-pipe, make known your preference for pitches from the piano and vice-versa. 2. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, and of a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure. 3. Bury your head in the music just before cues. 4. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favour. 5. Loudly clear your throat during pauses (tenors are trained to do this from birth). Quiet instrumental interludes are a good more...
With a lousy year under his belt a tractor salesman was traveling down a dusty back road in Iowa, when he came across a farmer working his field with an old, broken down tractor. He jumped out of his truck and gave his best sales pitch to the old guy.
The farmer stroked his chin and said, "The other day I was getting ready to milk Betsy. I was just getting started when she kicked me with her left leg. So I grabbed me a piece of rope and tied her leg to the stall. Just as I was starting again, she kicked me with her right leg. I grabbed another piece of rope and tied leg to the other side of the stall. I'll be darned if when I started again she smacked in the face with her tail. I grabbed another piece of rope and tied her tail to the rafter above. Mister, if you can convince my wife that I was just trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor."
What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?" Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.
The President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row at a Yankee's game. The row behind them is filed with Secret Service agents. One of them leans over and wispers something into the Presidents's ear.
Mr. Clinton pauses then grabs Hilary by the scuff of the neck and heaves her over the railing! She falls 10 feet to the dugout, kicking and screaming obcenities.
The President shakes hands with those near him, getting "high fives". The Secret Service Agent leans over again and whispers, " Mr. President, I said, - "They want you to throw out the "FIRST PITCH!"
Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.
What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.
What kind of a pitch did Sandy Koufax of the old Burger-lyn Dodgers have? A fastball - a sizzler.