Secret Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Coming out of the closet

    Hot 2 years ago

    In a small town some where in Illinois lies a family. It consisted of a husband, wife, three sons, and a daughter. One of the sons had a terrible secret.

    "Dad, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm gay," said the son.

    The Dad was furious he couldn't believe that one of his sons was gay.

    A year had passed and his second son approached him and told a very bad secret.

    "Dad, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm gay."

    The Dad went crazy again, he couldn't believe that two out of three sons were gays.

    Another year had passed and the third son came forward. "Dad I know you're not going to want to hear this but, I'm gay.

    The Dad was enraged he started shouting "DOESN'T ANYONE IN THIS FAMILY LIKE GIRLS ANYMORE?!!"

    The daughter said, "I do, I do!"

    The Secret of Success

    Hot 4 years ago

    "Sir, what is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.
    "Two words."
    "And, sir, what are they?"
    "Right decisions."
    "And how do you make the right decisions?"
    "One word."
    "And, sir, what is it?"
    "Experience."
    "And how do you get experience?"
    "Two words."
    "And, sir, what are they?"
    "Wrong decisions."

    Santa's secret wish

    Hot 5 years ago

    On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes
    Looked deep into Santa's, to Santa's surprise
    And said as he sat on Santa's broad knee,
    "I want your secret. Tell it to me."
    He leaned up and whispered in Santa's good ear
    "How do you do it, year after year?"
    "I want to know how, as you travel about,
    Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.
    How is it, Dear Santa, that in your pack of toys
    You have plenty for all of the world's girls and boys?
    Stays so full, never empties, as you make your way
    around the whole world, The reindeer pulling your sleigh
    From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,
    From nation to nation, reaching them all?"
    And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,
    "Don't ask me hard questions. Don't you want a toy?"
    But the child shook his head, and Santa could see
    That he needed the answer. "Now listen to me,"
    He told that small boy more...

    [This was forwarded to me by a co-worker and is reportedly an...]
    Excerpt from The Sunday Press, Dublin, 25-Aug-1991
    Apropos recent events, in case you're wondering what will become
    of all the unemployed KGB men in the event of a change of regime in
    the USSR, I was talking to a German friend recently and asked him
    what had become of all the former Stasi secret policement of East
    Germany.
    "Oh they're all taxi drivers now," he said, "it was the obvious
    solution."
    "Why is that?" I asked.
    "Simple," he said, "you just give them your name-and they know
    where you live."

    Subject: more microsoft c humor
    Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
    Project: Version - Windows 95
    Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): #include
    #include
    #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
    #include /* For the court of law */
    #define say(x) lie(x)
    #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
    #define next_year soon
    #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
    void main()
    {
    if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
    {
    if (there_are_still_bugs)
    market(bugfix);
    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
    raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
    }
    while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
    {
    make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
    lie.h */
    if (rumours_grow_wilder)
    make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
    if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
    {
    market_time=ripe;
    say("It will be ready in one more...

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