This is a true story, as my mother is the subject.
For the uninitiated, a colonscopy is a medical procedure, performed by a surgeon, in which the inside of your colon is examined. The patient, mildly sedated, lies on their stomach and the surgeon uses an instrument inserted through the patient's rectum to "probe" the colon. My uncle being the unfortunate victim of colon cancer, my mother must now have a yearly colonsocopy.
Three years ago, when she went for the first one, she was lying on the table in the operating room, somewhat high from intravenous valium. Her surgeon was a very nice, young, very quiet fellow.
As he appraoched her from the rear, probing instrument in hand, my mother turned her head back around, looked him straight in the eye, and asked, "Does your mother know what you do for a living?"
A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go.""Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?""That you kill me first."
A note left for a pianist from his wifeGone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet
All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes.Mary Had A Little Lamb3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or3212333, 222, 133, 3212333322321 Jingle Bells333, 333, 39123, 666-663333322329, 333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621 Frere Jacques1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111 Olympic Fanfare3-9-91231, 2222-32112312, 3-9-91231, 2222-32112321 The Butterfly Song963, 23621, 3693236236932362, 963, 23621 Happy Birthday112, 163, 112, 196, 110, 8521, 008, 121
Arriving in HeavenThree men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.St. Peter: Hi, what's your name? Paul: My name is Paul.St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Paul: 120K.St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer.St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name? Roger: My name is Roger.St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Roger: 60K.St. Peter: Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living? Roger: I was an accountant.St. Peter: That's very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name? John: My name is John.St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died? John: About $23,000.St. Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?