Instrument Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The colonoscopy

    Hot 2 years ago

    This is a true story, as my mother is the subject.
    For the uninitiated, a colonscopy is a medical procedure, performed by a surgeon, in which the inside of your colon is examined. The patient, mildly sedated, lies on their stomach and the surgeon uses an instrument inserted through the patient's rectum to "probe" the colon. My uncle being the unfortunate victim of colon cancer, my mother must now have a yearly colonsocopy.
    Three years ago, when she went for the first one, she was lying on the table in the operating room, somewhat high from intravenous valium. Her surgeon was a very nice, young, very quiet fellow.
    As he appraoched her from the rear, probing instrument in hand, my mother turned her head back around, looked him straight in the eye, and asked, "Does your mother know what you do for a living?"

    The Ocotpus!

    Hot 4 years ago

    A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!"
    The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
    The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
    The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
    The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
    The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
    The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more".
    This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of more...

    Any last requests?

    Hot 7 years ago

    A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go.""Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?""That you kill me first."

    Harp Joke

    Hot 6 years ago

    A harp is a nude piano.A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune.Q: Why are harps like elderly parents? A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

    The Ocotpus!

    Hot 4 years ago

    A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!" The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!" The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks! The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more". This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on more...

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