Frequently Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

    Shift Key FAQ

    Hot 5 years ago

    Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
    A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
    Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
    A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139.95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
    Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
    A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your more...

    Shift Key FAQ

    Hot 5 years ago

    Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
    A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
    Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
    A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $
    139.
    95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
    Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
    A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with more...

    DISCLAIMER: The sender of this joke and web site provider are not responsible or liable for any thing that happens while attempting these things.
    CAUTION: Not to be attempted by anyone under 5 years driving expereince!
    Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
    Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
    At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
    Two words: Chicken suit.
    Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
    Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
    Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
    Stop at the green lights.
    Go at the red ones.
    Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
    Eat food that requires silverware.
    Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
    Sing without having the radio more...

    Frequently, I get a strip of coupons or other
    promotional items from a little printer at the
    checkout of my local grocery.
    Coupons emerge as a thank-you for purchasing a
    product, or based on some other derived data.
    Yesterday, after buying a couple pints of Ben &
    Jerry's Ice Cream (my favorite bad-for-me snack
    food), I got the following checkout coupons in
    sequence:
    Save 55c on Two(2) Pints Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream
    Free High Cholesterol Survival Guide

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