Perch Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day this man named John was in a pet store and as he was looking he saw a parrot sitting on a perch, but the parrot did not have any legs, so John asked the bird how do you hold yourself up on the perch, and the bird said are you sure you want to knpw, and the man shook his head yes. And the bird said I just take my meat and I wrap it around the perch. So they started to talk more and more, and the bird said why don't you buy me? And John looked at the price tag it said $200 the man said that is too much but John went to the salesclerk and asked if he could get him cheaper and the sales clerk said yes. So the man bought the bird and took him home, and everything was going great. THe bird was very intelligent and funny, and everday John and the bird would talk about their days, well one day John came home and aske dthe bird how his day was, and the bird said well this morning when the mailman came him and your wife started to tounge kiss, and then he started grabing your wifes more...

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?"
The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy."
The guy is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish." The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the Bulls won, the more...

A man suspects his wife is having an affair, so he goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. Not having much money he chooses a male parrot with one leg.
He takes the bird home and ties its penis to the perch in the bird cage to allow it to stand.
“When I go to work you keep an eye on my wife and tell me what happens” the man told his parrot.
When the man returns from work later that day, he asks the parrot if anything happened when he was out.
“Well” said the parrot, “the milkman came to the door”.
“Then? ” demanded the man.
“Your wife went to the door. ”
“Then?? ”
“She let him in. ”
“Then what? ”
“They started making out in the living room. ”
“Then what? ” cried the exasperated man.
“Then I got a hard-on and fell off the perch! ”

This guy is setting at a bar, and he's had a lot to drink that night; he asks the bartender for another drink, but the bartender says no. The guy is pretty upset by this and persists, but the bartender keeps saying no. Finally the guy asks, "Well isn't there anything that you can give me?" The bartender says, "I've got this parrot over there in the corner, sitting on a perch, with no legs. The guy interested by this asks how the parrot stays on the perch with no legs. The bartender tells the guy that the parrot just raps his dick around the perch. The guy is amazed by this and agrees to take the bird home. On the trip home he asks the parrot if he can talk. The parrot says, "Sure I can talk!" The guy thinks for a second and then says, "I've got a job for you. I have to go to work tomorrow and my wife will be home alone all day long. I want you to watch her and tell me everything that happens while I'm gone. The only person other than my wife scheduled to more...

There was an elderly lady who lived by herself. She decided that it would be nice to have a talking parrot to keep her company. So the elderly lady went to the pet store and the owner of the store asked her how much she wished to spend. She was on Social Security so she had only 20 dollars to spend. The owner sadly informed the lady that there was no way she could buy a talking parrot for only 20 dollars. "But, there is a possibility!" he said. And the store owner brought out a black myna bird on a perch, and said, "You can have this myna bird for 20 dollars, but he only speaks one phrase, all he can say is' WHO IS IT?'... that's the limit of his vocabulary." The lady was ecstatic. She paid the 20 dollars, and took the bird home. When she got home, she placed the perch near the front door and went out to get a cage and some birdseed, and other items she thought her new companion might like. After the lady drove off, the man from the butcher shop showed up with his more...

There was a married couple having communication problems, so they decide to see a shrink. He recommends the husband get an animal he can talk to, preferably something that can talk back.
So the husband (Bob) goes to the local pet store to purchase a parrot. What better animal to have a conversation with than a parrot?
Anyway, he asks the sales clerk for a parrot. The Clerk says he has one that can say about 2000 words, for $1000. Bob doesn't want to spend that much, so the clerk says he has a parrot that says about 1000 words, for $500. Still a litttle expensive, Bob decides. OK, the clerk says, We aren't supposed to sell him, but you really seem to want a parrot. We have one in the back that can speak about 5000 words, about as well as any person. The only thing is that it was born with a birth defect. Instead of legs, it has a six-inch penis it uses to grapple to perch. Five bucks. Bob buys it, names it Joe, and takes joe home.
After a few months, bob and joe are the more...

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars.""Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."The man asked about the next parrot on the perch. "That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot."That one costs 2,000 dollars.""And what does that one do?" the man asked.The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"