Bob Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Face the consequences

    Hot 4 years ago

    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

    "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

    Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"

    "Yes, I do."

    "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"

    "Yes, I have to admit that I did."

    "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your more...

    Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.


    Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"


    One Thanksgiving morning, Martha is preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.


    Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the
    bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for almost an hour.


    She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

    Clinton's mail:

    Dear Bill:

    As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.

    Jimmy Carter
    ----------------------

    Dear Bill:

    OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox!

    Gary Hart
    ----------------------

    My Dear Chap:

    This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.

    Hugh Grant
    ----------------------

    Bill:

    They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!

    Mayor Marion more...

    Baseball in heaven

    Hot 2 years ago

    Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. For their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

    One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.' Bob is that you?' Earl asked.

    'Of course it me,' Bob replied.

    'This is unbelievable!' Earl exclaimed.' So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?'

    'Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?'

    'Tell me the good news first.'' Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl.'

    'Oh, that is wonderful! So what more...

    Look at that dog

    Hot 3 years ago

    Bob and Ray walking down the street. Bob said, "Hey, Look at that dog with one eye!"

    So Ray said, "Okay!" and covered up one of his eyes!!

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