Bob Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.

    Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

    One Thanksgiving morning, Martha is preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.

    Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the
    bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for almost an hour.

    She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

    Family Reunion

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    An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says,? I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I?m sick of her, and I?m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her,? and then hangs up. The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news. She calls her father and yells,? You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don?t do a single thing, do you hear me?? The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says,? It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they?re paying their own way!?

    Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone`s socks off with her youthful looks and charm. She hangs onto Bob`s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She`s my wife!" They`re amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age", Bob replies. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

    Once their was a guy named Bob. His friend Chuck had just had sex with a
    fab hore from the hore house. He had so much FUN! Chuck had told Bob to get a
    hore if he couldn't get a woman to have sex with. Chuck had told him if he went
    to the hore house, to NOT get a lady named sandpaper sally. Since he couldn't
    find a woman, he went to the hore house.
    When he got there, he asked the man at the desk for a hore. The man replied,"
    All we have is Sandpaper sally.." So Bob said," No that's okay. I'll come back
    next week." Then Bob went home and then came back next week to look for a hore.
    When he got there, he asked the same question," Can I have a hore please.?" The
    man at the desk said the samethang,"All we have is sandpaper sally." So Bob
    replied," No. that's okay. I'll come back next week."
    When he went back the hore house the next week, the man had said they only
    had sandpaper more...

    Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses, carrying a white cane and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage.

    Then, curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?"

    "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack."

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