Perch Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an elderly lady who lived by herself. She decided that it would be nice to have a talking parrot to keep her company. So the elderly lady went to the pet store and the owner of the store asked her how much she wished to spend. She was on Social Security so she had only 20 dollars to spend. The owner sadly informed the lady that there was no way she could buy a talking parrot for only 20 dollars. "But, there is a possibility!" he said. And the store owner brought out a black myna bird on a perch, and said, "You can have this myna bird for 20 dollars, but he only speaks one phrase, all he can say is 'WHO IS IT?'...that's the limit of his vocabulary." The lady was ecstatic. She paid the 20 dollars, and took the bird home. When she got home, she placed the perch near the front door and went out to get a cage and some birdseed, and other items she thought her new companion might like. After the lady drove off, the man from the butcher shop showed up with his more...

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. The first one says to the other "can you smell fish?".

Footless Parrot A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot." The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish." The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for." The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me." The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's won, the more...

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome, so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help.
The store he happened into specialized in parrots. As he wanders
down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet.
Surprised, he mutters, "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?"
The parrot says, "With my penis, you dummy."
The guy is startled and says, "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can
discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
If you offer the proprietor $20 for me, I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
comes home from work the more...

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters “I wonder how he hangs onto the perch? ”
The parrot says “With my prick, you dummy. ”
The guy is startled and says “You certainly talk well for a parrot. ”
The parrot says “Of course, I’m a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish. ” The guy says “Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for. ”
The parrot says “There’s not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I’ll bet he’ll sell me. ”
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the Bulls won, the Cubs lost, the more...

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
"That one costs 1, 000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.
"That one costs 2, 000 dollars."
"And what does that one do?" the man asked.
The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot." The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish." The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for." The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me." The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's won, the Giant's lost, more...