Penny Jokes / Recent Jokes

EU Directive 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase "Spending a Penny" is not to be used after 31st December 2001.
From this date, the correct terminology will be: "Euronating ".
Thank you for your attention.

A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip--three pennies.

As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself:' You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves.'

The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him.' Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?'

'Well, this penny tells me you're a very thrifty man.' Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters' Hmm, true enough.'' And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor.' Surprised at her perception, he says,' Well, that's true, too.'

'And the third penny tells me that your father was a bachelor too..... ..You Cheap Bastard!'

One night when a boy prayed to god, the boy asked god: How Long is 1 million years to you? God replies 1 second. The Boy asked God: How much is 1 million dallors to you? God replies 1 penny. Then the boy asked god if he could have a penny. God replies... sure, "gimme 1 second".

How do you confuse a blonde?
-Put her in a round room and tell her to find the penny in the corner.
How do you confuse a brunette?
-Tell her the blonde found the penny.

How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?
When something's funny why is it called a "knee-slapper" when you actually slap your thigh?
Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs yet the mom weighs 30 lbs more?
Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?
If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the cast off?
Is sign language the same in languages other than English?
Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?
Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have more...

There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."
The second professor says "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."
The first professor says "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."
The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad" and runs off.
The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave."
Sam says "OK." and leaves. The professors keep arguing.
Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the more...

A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.