Patio Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house
in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the
motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged
through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the
house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her
husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him
and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an
ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the
several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her
husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the
wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had
spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the
gasoline, more...

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check it out these actual cases.

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba
tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like more...

My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time.
He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning.
Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?"

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check it out these actual cases. Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scubatanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the more...

A REALLY Bad Day

So you think you're having a bad day. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing more...

A fast-track young business executive had been working quite hard and one afternoon developed a splitting headache, sufficiently painful that he decided to take the rest of the afternoon off. He went home, which was an apartment on the 12th floor of a high-rise condominium, and realized upon reaching his door that he had left his keys at the office. He rang the doorbell and with no answer rang it again - and again.
After several minutes his wife opened the door. Her hair was in disarray and she had only her bathrobe on. The young exec was a bit suspicious, so he ran through the apartment looking for someone else. There was no one behind the living room couch, under the bed, in the walk-in closet, or in the bathroom. He ran into the kitchen and found no one in the pantry or under the kitchen table. He then looked over the kitchen balcony, and there, 12 stories below on a patio, was a man slipping on a shirt. Immediately concluding that he had discovered the guilty party, the young more...