Pan Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Helpful Hints:

    Hot 2 years ago

    ** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    ** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

    ** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

    ** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.

    ** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

    ** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.

    ** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.

    ** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 1 month ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...

    This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in
    recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we
    shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining.
    The list of ingredients is as follows:
    1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a
    tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire.
    6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable
    weight.
    8 lbs. celery, finely chopped.
    8 lbs. onions, finely chopped.
    8 lbs. carrots, finely diced.
    1 gallon vodka (to numb the elves before you peel them and dice
    them).
    32 lbs. dry bread crumbs.
    3 gallons chicken stock.
    salt, pepper, to taste.
    Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire.
    3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer.

    Preparation:
    Saute the onions, carrots, and celery in a large pan, using some
    olive oil, until tender.
    Brown the diced elves in the more...

    1. Go to the crafts store.
    2. Purchase one or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of
    paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan.
    3. Return home.
    4. Unwrap the dried fruit, carefully folding the wrapper inside-
    out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. Better
    yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it
    for insulation in the attic.
    5. Mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the
    disposable cake pan. Place dried fruit on top, gently
    pushing in so it looks "baked" in the "batter." Let dry.
    6. Take your "fruitcake" out of the disposable cake pan.
    7. Cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding
    the fruit.
    8. Wrap your "fruitcake" in festive, colored saran wrap and
    finish with a bow. I like using red wrap because it gives a
    warm glow to the "fruitcake."
    9. Give your "fruitcake" to someone you more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the pad,
    There was nada happenin', now thats pretty bad.
    The woodstove was hung up in that stocking routine,
    In hopes that the Fat Boy would soon make the scene.
    With our stomachs packed with tacos and beer,
    My girl and I crashed on the couch for some cheer.
    When out in the yard there arose such a racket,
    I ran for the door and pulled on my jacket.
    I saw a large bro' on a' 56 Pan
    Wearin' black leathers, a cap, and boots (cool biker, man).
    He hauled up the bars on that bikeful of sacks,
    And that Pan hit the roof like it was running on tracks.
    I couldn't help gawking, the old guy had class.
    But I had to go in -- I was freezing my ass.
    Down through the stovepipe he fell with a crash,
    And out of the stove he came dragging his stash.
    With a smile and some glee he passed out the loot,
    A new jacket for her and some parts for my scoot.
    He patted her fanny more...

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