Baking Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The best fruit cake ever

    Hot 6 years ago

    1 cup butter
    1 cup sugar
    4 large eggs
    1 cup dried fruit
    1 tsp baking powder
    lemon juice
    1 cup brown sugar
    1 or 2 bottles scotch whiskey
    Before you start, sample the scotch to check quality. Good isn't it? Now start baking.
    Select a large misking bowl, measuring cup etc.
    Check the scotch again, as it must be just right.
    To be sure that the scotch is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
    With an electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
    And one teaspoon of thugar and beat again.
    Meanwhile, make sure the scotch is still OK.
    Cry another cup.
    Open second bottle if necessary.
    Ant tow large leggs, 2 cups dried fruit and beat till high.
    If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry loose with drewscriver.
    Next, sift three cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter.
    Sample scotch again.
    Sift half cup of lemon juice.
    Fold in more...

    Baking Cakes

    Hot 6 years ago

    At the zoo a little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Her mom hurriedly explains, "Oh...they're just baking cakes."
    The next morning the little girl says, "Mommy, Mommy, you and Daddy baked cakes last night!"
    "Um, what makes you think that?" the mother asks nervously.
    "Because this morning there was icing all over the couch."

    Statistical one-liner

    Hot 8 years ago

    The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention.

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 8 years ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me...
    Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
    Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
    My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
    Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
    My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
    My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
    Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

    A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. Heputs his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at hismother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hardon the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into theliving room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy." His Daddy slaps himon the face, too and says, "Boy, go show your grandmother." So the boygoes to see his grandma and says "Look Granny, I'm a white boy." Sheslaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says"Well, did you learn something from all this?" The boy shakes his headand says "I sure nuff did, I've only been a white boy for five minutesand I already hate you black people".

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