Juice Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Why is lemon juice made

    Hot 1 month ago

    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
    with real lemons?

    1 cup butter
    1 cup sugar
    4 large eggs
    1 cup dried fruit
    1 tsp baking powder
    lemon juice
    1 cup brown sugar
    nuts
    1 or 2 bottles scotch whiskey
    Before you start, sample the scotch to check quality. Good isn't it? Now start baking.
    Select a large misking bowl, measuring cup etc.
    Check the scotch again, as it must be just right.
    To be sure that the scotch is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
    With an electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
    And one teaspoon of thugar and beat again.
    Meanwhile, make sure the scotch is still OK.
    Cry another cup.
    Open second bottle if necessary.
    Ant tow large leggs, 2 cups dried fruit and beat till high.
    If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry loose with drewscriver.
    Next, sift three cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter.
    Sample scotch again.
    Sift half cup of lemon juice.
    Fold in more...

    Orange Juice

    Hot 1 year ago

    You might be a redneck if you stare at the orange juice container because it says concentrate on it!

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 1 year ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me...
    Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
    Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
    My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
    Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
    My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
    My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
    Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

    Every year around this time, my sister makes an attempt to create what she says is her masterpiece of culinary delight (in fact, she usually makes two or three attempts) but alas, I have yet to sample even a tiny morsel of it.
    Here is the recipe she uses:
    1 or 2 quarts rum baking powder
    1c. butter 1tsp. soda
    1tsp. sugar lemon juice
    2 large eggs brown sugar
    1c. dried fruit nuts
    Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. It must be just right. To be sure rum is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the rum is of the finest quality-- try another cup. Open second quart, if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If druit more...

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