Two British sailors attended a church service in Stockholm. Not speaking a word of Swedish and not wishing to appear out of place they sat behind an important looking man and when he stood up or knelt down, they did the same.
At the end of the service, the pastor made what was evidently an announcement, whereupon the man in front of the sailors rose to his feet, and they did likewise - to a roar of laughter from the congregation.
As the sailors left the church, the pastor spoke to them in English, so they asked him the reason for the laughter.
"Oh!" he said, "I mentioned that next Sunday morning there was to be a baptism and would the father of the child please stand up."
Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile.
A pregnant lady was travelling on a bus. The man opposite her stared and laughed at her.
The embarassed lady moved herself to the next seat. Then the man burst with laughter.
She went to Court and sued him for damages.
In his defense, the man told the Judge, "My Lord! If you were in my place, you would have done the same thing."
The judge, for the sake of the case, got on the bus, at the same stop, and the scene was reinacted.
The Judge could not control his laughter and dismissed the case.
The advertisement display board above the first seat for a shaving stick soap Company read, "Williams stick did the trick."
The advertisement display board above the second seat for Dunlop Tyre Company read, "Rubber Goods would have saved the trouble."
A guy walks into a bar. At the other end is a horse. Next to the horse is a sign "make this horse laugh get a free beer!" The guy looks at the sign then asks the barkeep if the sign is true. the barkeep nods. The guy walks up to the horse and wispers something in the horses ear. The horse bursts into laughter. With shock the barkeep serves the guy the beer. The guy drinks it and leaves. The next day he comes back to the same bar, the horse is still histaerical with laughter. This time there is a different sign "make this horse cry win free beer!" The guy looks at the sign and asks the barkeep if it is true. the barkeep nods. the guy takes the horse out back. A moment later the horse is sobbing. The barkeep finally asks the guy how he did that. "Well yesterday i told the horse that i had a bigger dick than he did" The guy said " today i prooved it."
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that
they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until
all the juice ran into a glass, and then give the lemon to a patron. Anyone who
could squeeze another drop of juice out would win the money. Many people tried
but nobody was able to do it.
One day a scrawny, little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester
suit. He said in a squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter
died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed it. Then he handed the
wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man who clenched it in his small
Soon the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as six drops of juice fell
into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000 and asked
the little man, "What do you do for a living?"
The little man replied with a winning smile, "I work for the more...