1000 Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.
    Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says, "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy."
    Not to be outdone, Britney ripped a $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."
    Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."
    At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."

    A Short Fuse

    Hot 6 years ago

    A large, powerfully-built guy named Raymond meets a woman named Polly at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, Raymond stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, Raymond flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" Polly begins to drool. Raymond then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" Polly is just aching for action at this point. Finally, Raymond drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, Polly grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. Raymond catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" Polly then replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

    Great Pet

    Hot 7 years ago

    A guy walks into a bar and sees another guy sitting with a ferret. The guy seems to be stroking it rather lovingly. The first guy asks him, “Why are you stroking that ferret?”

    He replies, “Well my friend, the ferret gives the best head in the world.”

    “Bullshit, there’s no way a ferret can do that.”

    “Go try yourself.”

    So the first guy takes the ferret and goes into the bathroom. A few minutes pass and suddenly there’s banging and moaning and screaming coming from the bathroom. The first guy comes out, stroking the ferret lovingly and looks at the second guy. “I will give you $500, no $1000, for this ferret.”

    The second guy thinks about it for a little while and then nods. “Alright, a thousand dollars it is.”

    The first guy pays the second guy and takes the ferret home. He places it on the table in front of his wife and tells her the story. She looks at him in amazement, “What am I supposed to more...

    See That Baby

    Hot 3 years ago

    A large, muscular guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are kissing in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
    After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She smiles.
    The man then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"
    Finally, he drops his boxers, and after a quick glance, she grabs her handbag and runs screaming to the front door.
    He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
    She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

    A college student called his mom from school and asked her for some money, because he ran out. His mom said, "Sure, sweetie, I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited a couple weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?""Uhh, oh yeah! Uh, yeah I guess that would be okay," responded her son.So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she got back, her husband asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"Oh, I just wrote 2 checks for him, one for $20, and the other for $1000."That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you crazy???""Don't worry hon," she said, as she kissed him on the top of his head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19!"

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