There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was "war".
The first person comes up onto the stage and says, "I'm an atomic bomb." He gets his applause and steps down.
The second person comes up and says, "I'm a hydrogen bomb." Again, there's applause and he steps down.
And then a naked little man comes up to the stage and says, "I'm dynamite."
Everybody runs away hysterically. When one of them is asked why, he says, "Didn't you see how small his fuse was?"
A large, powerfully-built guy named Raymond meets a woman named Polly at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, Raymond stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, Raymond flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" Polly begins to drool. Raymond then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" Polly is just aching for action at this point. Finally, Raymond drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, Polly grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. Raymond catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" Polly then replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
Your so dumb that if your brain was made of dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
A game warden spots a young lad walking down the street with 30 large catfish in his arms. He stops and asks the young fellow where he managed to catch all those fish. The young boy points and says just over yonder. The game warden says "boy, I've been fishing around these parts for years....and I never got those many fish... can I go fishing with you tomorrow? The boy gladly says yes and asked the warden to join him first thing in the morning by a certain area.
The next morning the warden and the young boy head out. The boy rows the boat out 50 feet and then stops. The warden asks what he was doing and the boy says this is where we are going to fish. The warden says I've fished here before and never got many fish. It was then that the little boy pulls a stick of dynamite out of a box, lights it and throws it out into the water. A loud explosion follows and many dead fish float to the surface. The game warden is amazed and angry and says to the boy, that he can't do that and more...
A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer and he's shovelling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the strawberries to fertilise them.
The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything."
They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the crap into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse.
The manure goes flying and so does Grandma. Ploop!... she lands in the strawberries.
They go running up to her, "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?"
She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!"