"Great Pet" joke
A guy walks into a bar and sees another guy sitting with a ferret. The guy seems to be stroking it rather lovingly. The first guy asks him, “Why are you stroking that ferret?”
He replies, “Well my friend, the ferret gives the best head in the world.”
“Bullshit, there’s no way a ferret can do that.”
“Go try yourself.”
So the first guy takes the ferret and goes into the bathroom. A few minutes pass and suddenly there’s banging and moaning and screaming coming from the bathroom. The first guy comes out, stroking the ferret lovingly and looks at the second guy. “I will give you $500, no $1000, for this ferret.”
The second guy thinks about it for a little while and then nods. “Alright, a thousand dollars it is.”
The first guy pays the second guy and takes the ferret home. He places it on the table in front of his wife and tells her the story. She looks at him in amazement, “What am I supposed to do with a $1000 ferret?”
“Teach it to cook and get the fuck out!”
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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is more...