Squeeze Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders ahamburger.The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"and orders ahamburger.The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"

    Sex For the Deaf

    Hot 3 years ago

    Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language, natch).
    After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
    The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time."
    "And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis... fifty times"

    Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.

    Sex For the Deaf

    Hot 1 year ago

    Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language, natch).After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time.""And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis... fifty times"

    1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, 'May I borrow a highlighter?' 2. Say, 'Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.' 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, 'Damn, this water's cold.' 5. Drop a marble and say, 'Oh shit! My glass eye!' 6. Say, 'Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.' 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly. 8. Say, 'Now how did that get there?' 9. Say, 'Humus. Reminds me of humus.' 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, 'Whoa! Easy boy!' 11. Say, 'Interesting.. more floaters than sinkers.' 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, 'Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?' 13. Say, more...

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